the cottage - inside

Standing on a stone-slabbed hearth some 2.2 metres wide and 30cms off the floor, it is a cavernous beast. The aperture is 80cms wide and almost a metre high. Its appetite for fuel is voracious. It will consume a couple of kitchen chairs whole, as a hungry teenager would devour a bag of crisps.

The room is 4mts x 3mts, not large by any stretch of the imagination, but remember, this is a cottage. However, because of the height, appears so much bigger. It is our dining room, work room and where we entertain visitors.

Lisa holds her classes and does clairvoyant readings in the main room, so at times I have to make myself scarce, usually disappearing into the bedroom to catch up on some reading. The main bedroom is of similar size to the living room and features a wonderful wooden bed made by Michael. There is a huge gilt framed mirror hanging on chains above a small quirky fireplace. Old stripped pine wardrobes and a big, somewhat rickety chest of drawers blend with the shutters Michael has made for the windows at each side of the room. A large dream-catcher hangs in one, wind chimes in the other. Lisa's main bookcase is filled with tomes of inspirational content.

A shelf above the bed holds my more modest reading collection. Books on country wine making, lapidary, candle making, herbal remedies and Feng Shui mingle with dictionaries and thesauri. Animal encyclopaedias and biographies mix with decorating and cookery books. You probably get the picture. Our reading tastes are somewhat different.

At the other side of the living room are two more rooms, used as bedrooms and places to store our boot market stock, but at only 1.9mts wide, don't afford a lot of floor space, however Michael has built upper-level bunk-style beds, reached by wooden ladders, and although small, the higher than normal ceilings again give the illusion of greater size.

The minute kitchen, I 'as seen larger built-in wardrobes, along with the bathroom next door, and the utility room at the end are added features to the original house, (but not by Michael). I have constructed shelving in keeping with the rustic look to everything, and this has greatly increased storage space. Mundane tasks like washing-up have to be attended to with regularity. There is no space for a dishwasher. But, we have the important basics.
Lisa is a hoarder of bric-a-brac. Fortunately we have so much wall area I have been able to accommodate all her paintings, and another large mirror in the living room, which looks fabulous. My challenge is to find somewhere to suspend a six foot square painting done on a cine screen that at present remains unfinished. Everywhere is a gallimaufry of things she has collected over the years, and because nothing matches, everything matches.

Her lovely dreadnought guitar rests against the fireplace. A djembe tom-tom sits on the other side. Old bookcases are filled to overflowing with esoteric literature, unusual paintings hang alongside strange tapestries and her many certificates of qualification.

Did you know, back in the days of them sailin' ships, they carried life boats. They called 'em punts, and each ship 'ad eight, stacked in a pile down in the 'old.
That's why, to this day, there's always eight punts in a galleon. Geddit?

Yes, very good Tom. You sure your name isn't Foolery. Geddit?

To continue, a wooden CD rack painted with astrological signs precariously perches on a pile of National Geographic magazines. A priceless (to me) collection of cassette tapes of mixes I did back in the eighties are arrayed above a window seat cut into the thick stone wall. Merlin the Wizard stares into his bubble-filled crystal ball, glowing with ever-changing coloured lights. Ashtrays are everywhere as we are both smokers - an expensive habit in this country.

Outside, through the un-curtained window the foliage is constantly moving in the wind, eerily illuminated at night by the exterior wall lights. Cats pick the softest places to curl up, and the two dogs are always under one's feet.

Above the huge slab of rock that acts as a lintel to the door-less kitchen entrance hangs a tin sign - Home Sweet Home. How apt.

Adjacent is an alcove. In earlier times it was a cupboard, and for years had a bullet hole in the door, caused by a 'black and tan' soldier who burst in, firing into the recess, in case anyone was hiding inside.

We burn candles and Nag Champa incense most of the time, so the whole house has a beautiful ambience and smell.

Visitors often go "WOW" when they walk in. That just about sums it up.

The large old hand basin has hairline cracks, but it doesn't leak, so who cares. The toilet cistern must hold five gallons, but as water comes from our own spring well, and is as pure as anything you can buy in a bottle, again, who cares.

You can't beat a good flush, I always sez.

Well a prial does, but that's by the by.
Anecdote. Because the water here is so pure, and an endless supply, for many years this is where people came to fill containers, should their own supply fail or become tainted.

So, that's our home, with a somewhat light-hearted insight into our way of life. Not ordinary, but then, neither are we. Lisa is as likely to don an ankle length black dress and green Doc Marten boots after her morning cold shower, as jeans and baseball boots with holes in. Her 'mad' hair is never under control and during waking hours she is rarely without a cup of tea.